I’m obsessed with money I can’t help it.

I always knew I needed money, but I never fell in love with money. I’ve always been a romantic about life, a dreamer constantly seeking the divergent path to avoid the zombie masses. A sleepy fighter who never entered the ring, with dreams of seeing the belt but without actually getting into a fight.

I don’t know if it’s dreams deferred or broken dreams syndrome, or aging. This year I turn 34. Thirty-four….3-4. I do not know when this happened, but I have more obligations and responsibilities than plans. I have more work to do than I have hands(I’m a songwriter can’t help but rhyme). I don’t have children, but I have nephews and a niece now….My parents are aging. I returned to school after several attempts at business and other endeavors. I lost my job over nothing.

Things start coming into your eyesight. For some reason, money is the cause of my despair and exhilaration. I also worked as a cab driver for 2 years. There were few thrills better than having money fall in your hands. It’s a wonderful feeling. I want need that feeling of growing money and prosperity. Not only for me, but the progeny of my siblings(nieces and nephews).

I got money on my mind.

I still freelance at my website as well, I’m trying to get into Bitcoin/cryptocurrency. But I wonder the need/value of my services in a day of Wix/Weebly/Squarespace/Godaddy web builders.

But if you are interested in web design services I am at Blue Balled Media.

I also want to  start my online sports magazine at Blue Balled Sports Mag


Engineering classes at Junior College

Semester is almost over…

1st semester I took Intro to Engineering Technology

2nd semester:

Circuit Analysis 1

Digital Circuits 1

Next semester: I will take

Circuit Analysis 2     4credits

Digital Systems 2     4credits

Programming Fundamentals   3credits

Electronics 1      4credits

Thank goodness. Now, I’m going to focus on some of my personal projects like web design/SEO and songwriting.



My Annual Psychotic rant

This world is a scam. Most of its constructs, it’s institutions. My only solution is see as I see and think as I think. I cannot allow this world to coerce me into standing in line. I hate being subservient to other people’s demands and condescension.

Fuck you! And here are some tits…

After you oogle the selfie there is more to the story. Offer some words of encouragement and possibly support the book project.

It's not my fault.

I’m starting this off with a picture of my tits to encourage you to read this crap even though they have absolutely nothing to do with this post.


(Last time I tried this I scored a paid ad, and frankly I could use a little cash!) 

The year that followed…

One of the biggest pieces of advice one is given after the newly conscious recognition of a narcissist/sociopath is to not run out and expose them. The main reason for this advice, is that nobody believes you and you just make yourself out to look like the crazy one.  Until somebody has actually encountered one and come to this realization all on their own it’s pointless.

It’s been a year now since my grandfather died and my kids and I were left homeless by the narcissistic abuse of the woman monster who birthed me. I wish I could tell you…

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I almost died last night

I’ve been stressed and unkempt, tired, and just sleep-deprived. So after drinking 3 cups of coffee, and an energy drink I predictably started feeling light-headed. I figured I didn’t eat anything in the day, so I walked to the kitchen to get some food. I even felt a little nervous about walking up the stairs so I thought about asking my brother to make me a sandwich.  But he was studying so I just started walking up the stairs to get my own food. Then I started having trouble breathing and my heart started pounding in my chest. I felt like I couldn’t stand. I wanted to lie down, because my heart was thumping out of my chest. This is when I told my brother, “I think I’m in trouble.” I ate a banana and tried to rest it out, but I couldn’t tough it out. I had my bro call 911. When the EMT came they measured my Pulse as 142, and my Blood Pressure as 189/125 laying down. My hands were numb and prickly, my ears were warm and prickly too. I started feeling a warmth Then sitting up, my blood pressure was measured as 197/126. My Respiration was 20 when the normal range is 12-20. I could hardly speak. I couldn’t complete sentences I had trouble keeping my eyes open, I thought I was going to die. So all I was thinking about was my family’s mourning process. What life be for them when I’m dead and gone? I also thought about all the songs I recorded that wouldn’t see the light of day. It almost happened, if it wasn’t for the oxygen and pill….My light would’ve faded without a whisper. I remember wanting my brother and sister to keep away so they didn’t see me with tubes and oxygen in me and possibly see me die. I was having trouble seeing so I closed my eyes and just kinda waited for my blood pressure to go down or for my death to come. It’s a surreal experience to feel your death is going to come shortly. I didn’t feel sad, or angry, I just imagined my family at my funeral and the life I had on this earth. I was pretty much ready.